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Articles
for Singles |
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“Boyfriend
Quest: Defining Your Vision” |
“Why
can’t I sustain a relationship for more than two
months?” “Aren’t there any decent
guys out there?” These are common questions raised
by many single gay men describing their frustration
and hopelessness with their dating quests for true “boyfriend
material.” Trapped in vicious cycles of unfulfilling
dating experiences, many gay men begin to feel powerless,
disappointed, and disillusioned. Not only do they begin
to lose confidence, but they can even start to succumb
to the dangerous stereotypical myth that long-term gay
relationships are not possible. “Vision”
is one sure-fire way to short-circuit this belief and
create opportunities for getting what you most want.
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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| “Gay,
Single, and Loving It” |
We
live in a society that places high value and expectation
on being in a coupled relationship and singles are often
stigmatized for their single-status. Gay men, in particular,
are often labeled as being unable to develop and maintain
long-lasting intimate relationships, adding yet another
layer to this stigma. This can lead to feelings of low
self-worth and inferiority, a sense that there’s
something wrong with you if you don’t have a boyfriend,
an excessive focus and preoccupation with your discontent
with being single, and sometimes a compulsive drive
to find a relationship just to satisfy that nagging
need (which can be a dangerous and sabotaging maneuver
if one’s dating practices are conducted out of
desperation rather than conscious intention).
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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| “Sex
and the Single Gay Guy” |
“To
have sex or not to have sex, that is the question.”
While it’s certainly important to have a healthy
sexuality when you’re single, how you negotiate
your sexual behavior as a gay man if you’re on
a “boyfriend hunt” can definitely have an
impact on helping or hurting your cause. Have you ever
gone out on a date that seemingly went really well to
then be utterly confused when the guy doesn’t
ever call you again after you’ve slept together?
Or what if you’re in-between relationships, what
role does sex play in your life? What do you do if that
hot guy asks you back to his place after your first
meeting? Are one-night stands ok?
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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“Gay
Breakups: When the Rainbow Ends” |
“It
just hit me out of the blue when Mike left me. We hadn’t
really been together all that long, but I thought I’d
finally found my true soul mate. Now it’s over
and I feel totally rejected, like nobody’s ever
going to want me again. It’s so hard finding a
decent guy and now I have to start all over again; I
don’t know if I can. I feel like a failure at
relationships. I just don’t know what to do.”
--Eric
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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| "Boyfriend
Hunting: Where the Men Are” |
So
you’re on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for
Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling
relationship? You feel like you’ve got your head
on straight, your life is in order, and you’re
ready and available for love. Perfect! The most important
pre-requisite that’s needed before embarking out
into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self, an
understanding of your needs and values, and a psychological
readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety
of interpersonal situations and relationship issues.
You’re equipped, motivated, excited… so
where in the world do you find those quality guys to
get acquainted with?!
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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“Gay
Dating Tactics: Your First-Date Do’s & Don’t's” |
Nothing
gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation
that goes along with going out on a first date with
a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re
already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating
prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly
a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal
moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such
questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will
I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?”
“What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?”
“What will I talk about? What if I run out of
things to say?”
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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“The
First Date: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential” |
You
sit on the lumpy lounge chair at the local coffee shop,
sipping your cappuccino while trying to look occupied
reading today’s local newspaper, your eyes periodically
shifting to the front door of the shop, hoping to catch
a quick glance of the man you’ll be meeting for
the first time. You’ve had a million first dates,
it seems, but the nervous anticipation and excitement
always seems to show itself through your sweaty palms
and rapid heartbeat. What will this meeting be like?
Could he be “The One?”
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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| “The
Boyfriend Evaluation: Getting To Know Him” |
So
you made it through the first date with this new guy
and he’s intrigued you. You find him attractive,
enjoyable to be around, and with the little bit of information
you’ve been able to obtain at your first contact,
he seems to meet some of your personal requirements
and needs for a potential boyfriend thus far. So now
what?
To read the rest of this article,
click here |
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| "Flirt
Like A Superstar (And Have Droves of Gay Men Begging For Your
Phone Number)” |
You
look across the crowded bar to the target of your interest
on the other side of the room. He’s dashingly handsome
in a leather jacket, leaning up against the wall watching
the videos on the TV screen as he sips at his beer. He senses
your presence and shifts his eyes in your direction to meet
your gaze. He holds the eye contact briefly before looking
away. Moments later, he looks back and connects with your
eyes again, this time holding the gaze a little bit longer.
You slightly raise your eyebrows and shoot him a quick smile.
Your heart pounds with anticipation as he nods his head
once and cracks a return smile. Green light—he’s
interested! You take a deep breath as you plunge into the
crowd, making your way toward the hottie across the room
to make your introduction.
To
read the rest of this article, click here
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| "Should We Have Sex Yet? Negotiating Your First Time With Mr. Wonderful" |
Question: At what point does a dating relationship turn sexual if you’re looking for a lasting relationship? The reader posing this question goes on to say that in his experience, sex too soon in a dating relationship seemed to make the connection all about sex, while waiting for an extended period of time resulted in men perceiving him as a “tease” or being uninterested in them for anything but just friendship.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| "Rejection Sucks! A Gay Guy’s Primer On Dealing With It" |
Question: At what point does a dating relationship turn sexual if you’re looking for a lasting relationship? The reader posing this question goes on to say that in his experience, sex too soon in a dating relationship seemed to make the connection all about sex, while waiting for an extended period of time resulted in men perceiving him as a “tease” or being uninterested in them for anything but just friendship.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| "Top 10 Secrets of Successful Gay Daters" |
Dating can be like a roller coaster ride sometimes with its fun highs and frustrating lows. Ever wonder why some guys have more luck with the dating game than others? Ever contemplate what it takes to become more successful with men? Well, that’s a tricky business and there’s no scientific formula that will yield those positive results. I believe dating is partly luck and lots of preparation.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Compulsive Sexual Behavior & Gay Men” |
When managed in a healthy way, an active sex life can be one of life’s greatest gifts. Having been raised in an oppressive society about our homosexuality, sex can take on different meanings for gay men. Whether or not you believe the stereotype of gay men being promiscuous and “sex-starved”, the real truth is that when sex is taken to the extreme and it begins to interfere with your life and the accomplishment of your goals, damaging consequences can result that can destroy your future.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Sexless In Gayopolis: What's A Guy To Do? Part 1” |
Sex is everywhere it seems. While taboo on one hand, our society glorifies sex and capitalizes on it. There appears to be no escape from it, and our gay culture is certainly no stranger to getting caught up in its allure. You can't thumb through a gay magazine without seeing advertisements of beefcake and sex dripping from the pages.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Sexless In Gayopolis: What’s A Guy To Do? Part 2” |
Nothing can be a bigger drag than when you’re in the mood for some hot one-on-one action and there are no available partners to access. Maybe you’re new to the gay scene and are just trying to figure things out. Or perhaps you’re in a “drought period” where meeting other men has not proven successful for some reason. Could it be that you’re shy and anxious about initiating contacts with other men that could possibly lead to future intimacy? Or maybe you’ve sworn off sex until you meet Mr. Right so as not to distract yourself from your ultimate goal. Whatever the scenario may be for your particular situation, sexual frustration can mount when your libido is screaming for an outlet when it seems that none exists. Sex is a basic human need, and for some, its deprivation can be a source of preoccupation and discontent. So how does one manage a celibate lifestyle, if it’s not by his choosing, without climbing the walls and going stark-raving mad?
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Dating For The 40+ Gay Man: 7 Steps To Success
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Dating can be hard enough at times, but the situation can be made that much more challenging for those single gay men who represent the age 40 and up crowd. In a society where youth and beauty are highly valued, many middle-aged men report feeling segregated and unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and sustain relationships with potential dating prospects. The problem can seem even more compounded in the gay community in which the emphasis on youth and brawn is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel undesirable and like outsiders within gay circles. They feel unwanted and that their age hinders them and limits the pool of men available to them for dating, particularly when they report being rejected by men in their own cohort for younger guys. Ageism, or discrimination against someone because of his age, plagues many different layers of our culture—and it also can and does rear its ugly head in the gay dating world. This “over-the-hill” mentality is very damaging, robbing us of the opportunity to really experience life, take risks toward goals, and make the most of what we have (if we let it!). This case is illustrated in the comment of a former 29-year old client: “I turn 30 later this year and then I officially am old! I’ll never have a boyfriend now! I feel like my life is over and it’s all downhill from here on out!”
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Shy Guys Make Good Boyfriends Too!” |
You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy you’ve been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room. He’s alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book. You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. “He’d never be interested in me!” “I’d just die if he rejected me!” “And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? He’d think I’m a complete idiot and loser the second I’d open my mouth!” These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Watch Out! The Dude’s A Player (For Gay Daters)!” |
I was recently interviewed by freelance writer Caroline Stanley from MSN.com for a cover story she was writing about dating “player-types”. This article includes the content that I contributed for her research into this topic. This article will shed some light on the profile of a “player”, provide some tips for the “ex-player” to promote successful dating relationships without letting his past destroy genuine opportunities, and suggest potential warning signs for the gay dater that might signal that the guy he’s seeing might actually be a “player.”
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Getting Down & Dirty With Your Dating Values” |
Are you single and frustrated with your dating efforts? Tired of spending all your hard-earned cash at the local coffee shop for what seems like the millionth blind date? Or maybe things have been going smashingly with your new guy until he pulls the rug out from under you just as you’ve started to open your heart to him. The scenarios are endless in the gay metropolis of dating, but the one thing that’s for certain is that there’s no magic formula on how to snag your Mr. Right.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Dating Slumps & The HIV+ Gay Man” |
Ok, guys, let’s face it. Dating can be a frustrating process when you’re single and on the market for a long-term committed relationship. Trying to find a compatible guy for romance and companionship can make you feel like banging your head against the wall sometimes as you struggle to figure out where to meet these men in the first place, and then to go through the whole screening process…it can feel like a full-time job sometimes!
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Stinking Thinking of the Gay Single (And How To Overcome It)” |
“Guys suck! I’m never going to find a decent one who wants more than a one-night stand!”
“All the good ones are taken!”
“I’m not attractive enough to land myself a boyfriend”
“Gay men and relationships just don’t mix. Why even bother?!”
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Am I Mr. Right?” |
So you’re single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until “the right guy” comes along. Or maybe you’re the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you’ll ever find a compatible life partner. Whatever your situation, it’s important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “Why Am I Still Single?” |
I’m so fed up with being a “nice guy” and getting nowhere for it. I continue to be perplexed by my situation and want to understand better why others act the way they do, what I am doing wrong, and what things I can do to improve myself. I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I’m not a model, but I’m often told by people that I’m “hot” and how nice and sweet I am. I am passionate and good in bed and believe I have a good personality and sense of humor. I have my own place, a new car, a great job, and I’m very successful in my career that holds a lot of promise for more growth and success. So I guess my biggest question is why am I alone? I treat the guys I have gone out with really well. Yet, it never seems to be enough. I just want to build a life with someone who has ambition, dreams, and who will love me and look out for me as I would for him. —Gay Man, age 29
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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| “5 Tips For Overcoming The Single Summertime Blues” |
Summertime is here in all its glory! Everyone is coming out of hibernation and there’s a buzz on the streets as people come out in droves to partake in all the fairs, parades, sporting events, and art shows. People are soaking up the sun at the beaches, having barbecue picnics in the parks, and biking and hiking along the lakeshores and in the forest preserves. For many, summer brings about a reawakening of the spirit, an invigoration of sorts for fun and activity. But for others, however, the season brings about a feeling of dread and helplessness. Why you ask? Let’s allow two fictional characters, John and Brad we’ll say, illustrate this all-too common experience.
To read the rest of this article, click here |
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